Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
