i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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