I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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