:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
dude. I can hear the air.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
