I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
one might say we're banned from that church
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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