Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
