Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just want to make out with him forever
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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