oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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