why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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