Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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