Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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