i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
