I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
