chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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