Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
