Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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