i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
