Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
