Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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