News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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