I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
