i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
