In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
