you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
