so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
