I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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