I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All I want is dick and wine.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
