I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
