ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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