oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
