The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
