i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize