I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
