did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
