I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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