I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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