my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
