hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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