My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
