when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
