is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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