listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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