Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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