If i come over, it means nothing
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
