I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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