ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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