everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
