She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
