I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
