Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
