New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
