dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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