I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Four minutes until I can fart!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
