well you can't waste a boner
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
