im six kinds of drunk right now
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
