Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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