he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
