the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
