I cockslap morals
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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