you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
